When a health crisis hits a community or society, many people and organisations come together and form partnerships in an attempt to ease suffering. In these scenarios one often hears the words ‘solidarity’ and ‘unity’. However, many people struggle to feel included and to participate in a time of crisis. The Covid-19 pandemic has evoked great fear, anxiety and even blame and guilt. We may feel fearful of experiencing the symptoms and the stigma of becoming infected, and even blame ourselves or others for catching the virus. This crisis calls not only for food parcels, shelter, financial assistance, and medical treatment, but also for us to be compassionate with others, as well as ourselves.
The word “compassion” originates from the Latin meaning “co-suffering”. In his book called “A Fearless Heart”, Jinpa defines compassion as “a sense of concern that arises when we are confronted with another’s suffering, and feel motivated to see that suffering relieved”. Compassion requires us to feel, understand and empathise with others in a non-judgmental, non-blaming way, and to respond with warm, kind and thoughtful action to relieve the suffering of others. Self-compassion means showing that same type of concern and kindness to ourselves. As health care workers we tend to neglect self-compassion, forgetting that to help others adequately we need to “put our oxygen masks on first”.
Research suggests compassion has both physical and psychological benefits. Being compassionate towards others not only increases happiness and improves health and immunity, but also makes us more attractive to others, increases our ability to connect and love, and gives us a sense of feeling part of something greater than ourselves. Compassion is also known to have a ripple effect – those who receive compassion are more likely to be compassionate to themselves and others. The good news is that compassion can be learnt. In order to foster a compassionate approach to others and ourselves, the following practical suggestions are offered:
How to be more compassionate towards others:
· Look out for opportunities to be genuinely concerned and interested in others’ wellbeing.
· Practice acts of kindness daily – examples include opening the door for someone, giving your unwanted clothes to another in need, calling someone that you know may be lonely in this time to tell them that you are thinking of them, or teaching someone how to do online shopping so that they can stay safe at home.
· Listen deeply to others – real listening is a skill that improves with practice. When asking a colleague or family member how s/he is doing, listen carefully to the words and underlying feelings in the response. Sometimes repeating it in your own words lets the other person know that you have really heard and understood them.
· Practice having an attitude of acceptance rather than judgment – it is easy to judge others, but it helps to put ourselves in their shoes to understand their choices.
· Continually remember what you are grateful for and practice saying thank you to those around you.
How to develop self-compassion:
· Acknowledge your own suffering and use your own experiences as a springboard for understanding the suffering of others – the hallmark of compassion.
· Care tenderly for yourself as if you were still a vulnerable child.
· Be mindful of your inner critical voice – we are quick to judge and blame ourselves and let negative self-talk determine our way of being. Becoming aware of these thoughts means that you have the choice to transform them into humble acceptance of your humanness.
· Create time and space for yourself – choose to do things that nurture you rather than deplete your energy.
If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete - Buddha
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